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Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Grandma wants me to not go to the volunteering orientation n instead ask for this volunteer chances thru my second aunt from paternal side of the family coz she's the second most senior in MCDS... That way my family wud not be so worried i wud get dirty jobs that wud make me suffer n scared ( Like taking care of deformed disabled people) n that i wud come to some sort of harm since i'm volunteering alone...

Coz i'm always so timid and afraid of everything big n small on this earth n stupid and naive that i might get conned easily... True... I havn't thought of all these wen i signed up for volunteering.. I thought to do something meaningful n interesting to learn independence... NEvertheless it seems impossible to achieve or even attempt... Haiz..


YEsterday was 15th of the lunar 7th month n there was prayers for the deceased at SHuang Lin Shi temple at BIshan... Every year my grandma goes to the temple alone n needs to fold incense papers for about 3 families and have thousands of incense papers to fold... THis year i;m not schooling so i can help her out... N Lilian auntie n her husband also took leave to fold incense papers at the temple for their ancestors... We started at about 9.30 n folded until 5.30 in the evening... THere were lots of ants n insects at the place where we sit on the grass to fold teh papers... N i was so afraid they come creeping onto me... So every time an ant come near i wud jump up n hop away n my grandma n aunt lilian wud laugh at me.. Haiz... Around 3plus, 2nd aunt, mum n ah yi n Chern Yue came to help out... I was dead beat wen we returned to grandma's home...Lay on the floor to rest.... At nite, we went home after the 7pm show...


Went back to SR and AMK today.... Left home at around 9.05... Waited for some time before the bus came.. Den took MRt to Kovan den took 153 to school... By the time i reached SR, they were released n i went to meet Jun Yun and Wee San first before going to class... Mr Lum was discussing PW with teh groups one at a time n wanted to speak to me so i sat down first and chatted with Li Ming they all.... After a very long time Mr Lum was still undone with them.. N i felt bad having JAnell waiting alone at AMk n Adeline they all waiting at Mac opposite AMK n Jun Yun n Wee San waiting outside for me..

Finally around 10.20 i managed to speak to him... I thought it was going to be a long talk..About 10min later, Janell called me n i managed to leave.. AFter that we took 132 to AMK... N met the rest of my frens... I felt weird wen people asked me where am i.. .Coz presently i'm neither here nor there... We were allowed into the staff room.. N met a few teachers to give them our cards n gifts...

Just as Adeline, YuMei n i were going to go to MAc after leaving school, he arrived at school.... I was yearning yet afraid... I wish things weren't lidat..... I...... Haiz... Finally.. i turned n met his gaze... I dunno if he was waving hi to me or not... N managed a weak smile at his direction... Haiz.... Den we walked to MAc.. We sat at Mac n chatted n chatted for a long time... Finally, around 1.15, we left Mac n went home... I decided to go to Arab's Street to see if there are crystal hearts at the handicraft shop there... N bought some stuff before goin home... Sad.... Lonely... I dunno wat am i...

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3:18 PM

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